Mom Rant

After thirteen years of being a mother, it has finally happened. I'm a soccer mom. Not just that, I'm also an Odyssey of The Mind mom, a student council mom and a band mom. And that's just to two of my many children! If my younger girls get their way I'll also be a basketball mom and a ballet mom. The ironic thing about all of this is that I have social anxiety and I don't like new people. Having to actually talk to other parents is terrifying. It's like being in middle school all over again. I'm constantly on guard, thinking what if they don't like me, what if I say the wrong thing, how am I going to fit in?

We have a pretty unique family structure and to many it may seem trashy. I know that in some ways it's pretty amazing that I'm close to two of my Hubby's baby mamas and at least on speaking terms to the one other. I know that it's awesome how we get the majority of the kids together as often as we can and do family things together. I know that although it can be awkward, my kids adore the fact that both the Hubby and the Boyfriend are involved in their school activities and holidays. But for most people this is a lot to take in and not many understand it.

I know that I'm trying to do what I feel is best for my family and on the surface I project an "I don't care what you think demeanor." But on the inside I feel like my 13 year old daughter just begging for acceptance. And I feel like I'm never going to get that with other parents. I look around at all the cliques when we're at parent meetings and know that my family will never truly fit in. Most of these parents either seem like they have a giant stick up their butts or like they have their shit together way too much to want to be friends with the likes of me. And the ones who don't seem to fit into either of those groups, look like they would be way too much drama. Which is probably what they all think when looking at my bunch as well.

 I need some new mom friends but how do you find the ones you click with? I'd like to feel like I'm not alone in all of this parenting craziness. I want to meet the moms who love their kids and do their best but aren't afraid to admit that sometimes, their kids are just assholes. The moms who don't judge you for occasionally giving in when your four year old refuses to eat the dinner you slaved over so you just give her the pb&j she really wants, because face it, she's your fourth kid and sometimes, you're just too tired to argue, threaten and cajole her. I need some mom friendship and support to tell me that I'm bat shit crazy for the dynamics of my family but who will understand what I'm trying to achieve and support me in it anyways. Do other moms like me even exist?

The Man Cold

The end of the world has finally come. Life as we know it is at least temporarily over. Whatever could possibly be going on to make me come to this conclusion you ask? The Boyfriend has a cold. Yes, I said it. The dreaded man cold has invaded my house! My great big, six foot two inch, 200 something pound man has been reduced to a whining toddler. He wants my undivided attention and lots of hugs, kisses and head rubbing when he's like this. The most common phrase I hear out of him is "Love me!" At least he freely admits that he's a needy whiny ass when he's sick! My one bit of revenge today against the man cold, I made him go to the doctor. He really hates going there. I used blackmail by threatening not to snuggle with him later, but it worked. They did a chest xray to make sure he didn't have pneumonia, prescribed some meds and gave him a shot in the ass. He says it didn't hurt but it still totally made my day!

 Once we got home, as the sweet, loving girlfriend that I am, I of course indulge him as much as possible considering I have five actual children in the house also demanding my attention. I lay next to him making sure that no matter what position he's finally found to be comfortable, that we are touching in some way. I even manage to only cringe on the inside when he lays his clammy, sweaty head against me. As soon as he finally falls asleep, I quietly sneak out of the room and threaten the children with all sorts of useless things that I could punish them with if they wake that sleeping man up. I tell them that it's because he's sick and needs his rest but in reality, it's just because I've finally managed to get a few minutes without a giant man child attached to my hip.

Don't get me wrong, I love him. And when I'm not feeling well he does his best to ensure that I get some rest too. But let's face it, I'm a bit of a control freak and I like things done my way. Unfortunately, my kids also seem to feel like I'm the only human being on the face of the planet who can put water in their cup, tell them how to spell a word, answer why the cloud in the sky looks like a dinosaur or the countless other random questions, needs and wants they can possibly dream up. I am so desperate for just a little bit of peace and quiet, that after a couple warnings to my adorable little monsters to sit down, be quiet and watch tv, that I sent them to bed 20 minutes early. Not exactly mommy of the year moment but otherwise mommy is going to lose her shit. And how much do you want to bet that as soon as those little darlings finally stop talking, asking for drinks and going potty ten times each, the man will wake back up.

Welcome to my crazy

If you're going crazy, do you actually know that you're going crazy? Cause I'm pretty sure the men in my life are trying to send me to the nice place with the padded rooms and straight jackets. The Hubby and I have been separated for exactly one year tomorrow. To say it's been an interesting year is an understatement. I have gone from absolutely hating his guts, to mild disgust, to numbness, to grudging acceptance that he's breathing my air, to feeling like he wouldn't be the first person that I'd sacrifice in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I can cycle through this range of emotions in the span of a day. Don't get me wrong, he's not an evil person. I definitely wouldn't refer to him as the devil incarnate or anything, but our relationship seriously has issues. Currently, we are working on being friends and parents. That's our goal. Or, that's my goal at least. His goal is to renew our I Do's. We do have a 20 year history. I'm sure I'll get around to writing about that later.

Then we have the Boyfriend. The way I sum that one up, is he's young and he's still learning. Now again, don't get me wrong here, he's great and he's come such a long way in the short time that we've been together. But he's very jealous and territorial where the Hubby is concerned. I'm no supermodel and I think they're both out of their minds and may need their eyes checked, but hey, to each their own. Now because of the kids and the practically life long history we have, Hubby is around a lot. And he's not just playing with the kids the entire time. I guess we do slip back into the married couple routines sometimes, talking about our days and such but hell, we've been doing that since we were kids. I do put him in his place when I feel it's needed. I even go as far as to separate myself and go hide out in my room for awhile so that I'm totally out of the equation. It kinda gives me a bit of a timeout anyways.

The biggest issue in this dysfunctional little group, is the family style way I want my children raised. I didn't grow up with two loving parents that I could spend time with and have holidays and lots of ewwy gooy special memories. Far from it. But again, a post for another time. The point is, no matter what the issues are between the Hubby and myself, we agree on the importance of showing a united front to our kids, not arguing in front of them, (although he does need numerous death stares to remind him of this from time to time), and still doing things as a family unit. So we randomly take them on outings together. It's always a good time and we both feel it's really important for the kids to have these memories.

Now the Boyfriend does agree that these things are important for the kids to a point, but his tolerance for it does not stretch very far. There is generally quite a bit of pouting to deal with when we get home. It's even worse when the Hubby and I go out without the kids for things like birthday shopping. And as weird as it may sound, when I'm not begrudging him breathing the same air as me and we're getting along, I actually still enjoy his company. So I spend quite a bit of my time trying to figure out and balance what is an appropriate and acceptable amount of time to spend with the Hubby and when to tell each of the men in my life to shove it.